From a very young age, I am obsessed with potatoes. As a child, I loved them so much that I actually wanted to be a potato. I even wanted to turn my friends and family into potatoes so that we could all live together as potatoes. I even refused to eat potatoes at the dinner table, as to not betray my brethren. Something about their magical brownish skin and muscular build just drew me to them.
Whenever I visited my grandma’s little cottage house, I used to paint myself brown and lie around in potatoes all day. Stupid enough, but once I even tried to inject myself with blight so I could be more like a potato. Sometimes I fantasize about being a potato and walk around with a potato bat and hit people with it, imagining that the hit turn them into a potato as well.
I always wanted to be a potato farmer but never had enough money to do so. Some nights, for fun, I even put a brown painted bald cap on my wife’s head so she’s my potato wife! I think she talks to her friends about it they always look at me funny whenever they see me. Maybe it’s because sometimes I put on my giant brown paper machè potato suit and waddle around like a potato.