The past that refuses to go away casts its shadow very long into the present and the future. Many of us have had breakups in the past and now desire to go forward. Something destroys every new relationship. What is that? Because if you find that your every new relationship is breaking apart, you will start searching for faults in yourself. The truth may lie somewhere else.
What happens after a breakup?
This depends largely upon the intensity of the earlier relationship. More intense the love, more hurt will result after the breakup. And if your break up took place because of the unfaithfulness of your partner, it will hurt you still more. The memories of time shared will haunt forever. A look at something shared will bring in an avalanche of past memories and will take away your peace in a moment. The past can be very destructive. It kills the person, it kills the present and the future. It can haunt one forever.
How to come out of it?
There are no easy ways out of this. Some of us will never come out of grief for our lifetime. One method that can help is this. Imagine a reservoir of emotions. Imagine many reservoirs. In one, you have your longing for the one you lost. In another, you store your memories of good times. In yet another, you have stored pain that you are suffering from. In this manner imagine of many reservoirs. Till they are emptied, you will not become new. Am I right? What is to be done? Please empty them out. It will take time, in some cases many years, but you can empty them if you really want. Live through all your longing again and empty that reservoir. Similarly cry as much as you can and fell the hurt the lost love has given you. Experience everything fully, suffer from all the pain and try to empty out all that is in your heart.
This is very painful. But if you want to live again, please do this. Many of us hide our hurt, avoid thinking about the good moments shared together and in all possible ways try to be so busy that the feelings don’t come out at all. But the feelings are very much there inside eating away our vitals. These feelings will never allow you to move forward in a positive way. Please remove everything from the mind and the heart by reliving and go forward. You may no longer feel the hurt and the pain with the same intensity, but it will be very difficult to fall in love with another person again with the earlier intensity. Please accept this fact. The beloved you left you has taken away something very vital from you – your faith in the goodness of human beings. But after emptying out totally, you will at least become a normal person, who can carry on life if not like a robot, then like a person without any feelings.