“Friendship is a complicated thing…., especially between the girls… and it gets even more complicated when a boy is involved in it”
I heard this statement somewhere and I strongly agree with it as I have been through it. So here I am sharing my story of getting friends, making memories and then, in the end, losing them by the involvement of some 3rd person.
I used to be very friendly, very expressive, talkative and kind of emotional at times. A few years ago, when I joined social media properly I engaged myself in so many social activities. I got so many friends there and got so attached to some of them. I used to talk to them on a regular basis. I made so many awesome memories with them. I have a problem that I get more comfortable with male friends than female friends. I don’t trust girls from the beginning and I don’t why that is.
I have a rule or I believe in one thing that if I am a close friend to someone like really close then I can’t make a common friend between us. Whenever I try to do this every time I lose my close friend.
So for the first time when it happened like there came a common friend between me and one of my close friend, conflicts and arguments started to get raise. Eventually, I lost my close friend in the end.
It was a bad experience for me and I learned something at that time that u can’t stay loyal and close to two persons at the same time, you definitely have to make a choice between them. In my case situation wasn’t in my favour so I left both and it was seriously very hard time for me as once I get close to someone then I truly get attached with them. Well, it was a phase that somehow passed and then for next I made 2 friends a boy and a girl. Starting was as usual awesome as a good level of understanding was developed between us.
Later they got into a relationship even I helped them to tie this knot. I was happy for them but then slowly things started getting messed up. I started getting jealous most of the time when they show their feelings in front of me. Friendship triangle got cracks in it, this time it was me who is causing trouble but it wasn’t my fault. I started getting feeling insecure as I was so possessive about our friendship. I started feeling and pointing little and useless things. But really soon I realized that what the hell I am doing to them why I am ruining their moments why I am spoiling their happiness why? Just because of my own stupid insecurities. I was doing wrong so I slowly started back off from that friendship because I don’t want to be cabbage bone. Results were little different this time as I didn’t totally break up with them but distanced myself.
Making or having friends is in human nature and it’s a very obvious thing but this time I restricted myself so strictly that no more friends. But how that could be possible, with the passage of time I started feeling for the need of a friend and after that something happened in my life which changed my whole life. I am still not able to decide whether it is good for me or not. A person came to my life, total stranger one. That little discussions on random topics once in a week or twice, in the beginning, turned into a strong bond of friendship. Some next level of understanding was developed. Then I don’t know how I got detracted. I started getting feelings for him that I ignore in the start but later they become strong. But it was a totally one-sided story. For him, I was just a good friend who understands him more than so many others. I didn’t tell him, meanwhile, a girl came to our life in fact in his life. We became good friends with her and it becomes a friendship triangle of us. My feelings were getting stronger day by day that I started asking him from Allah. I started praying for him without his knowledge. Then one day in some weak moments I confessed about my feeling to him. He was different totally different from random people. He was shocked when he told me that he never thought about me in that way. We decided to leave it on time and went back to a normal routine but nothing remains same for me after that. I don’t know why my feelings were getting pure and strong by time. I tried to quit because we were not making any sense as I can see at that time. Every time, he somehow managed to convinced me to stay. He wants me to stay as a friend and that was the toughest thing for me to do. He believes that feelings can be controlled by an on/off switch. I tried so many times but I wasn’t getting over him. In the same time I was feeling a change in him that he is turning towards someone still I didn’t lose hope. The girl that was our common friend, became my good friend in all that time. Within few days I become full sure that he fell in love with someone and later I asked him he confessed…and guess what who was she ?? our common friend ………….my so-called “best friend”. According to them they just got into relation recently but from that moment I am still unable to get out the feeling of being betrayed, being cheated, being fooled. I am unable to get rid of the thought they are in relation from the starting and just making me fool. They don’t even realize that what they did to me. They were and will be my last friends ….. now I don’t trust on any relationship , I hate the word friends or friendship, I cut off from everyone, I can’t trust anyone and whenever someone try to get close to me, I cut off or back off as I know they are lying. Now I believe everyone is a liar. I don’t know how long it took me to get out of the feeling of being cheated or betrayed. I lost self-confidence and positivity. Both of u, look what u did to your friend? You guys really tore me into pieces and still you expect me to behave normal…hahhhh… FRIENDSHIP IS REALLY A COMPLICATED THING.
I request to every reader here just make friends only if u are capable of doing it otherwise don’t do this to anyone. Once someone loses trust it takes years and years to gain it back ….. your time pass or fun for a short time can give someone pain of very long time ………….