First of all, Depression isn’t something one should play with. I’m a very dramatic person. I’ve exaggerated things beyond limit from as long as I can remember. Here’s my little experience of a ‘drama’ gone wrong.
About two years ago, I started acting down and negative, just for fun really. I started saying stupid, senseless things like “I’m not worth anything” and other things of the same nature without any reason at all. I even cut myself a bit just to seek attention and tbh, it all felt nice. So I kept up my drama, soon to realize that I’m actually starting to feel these things.
A voice. It was a voice in my head that started off very light and soon enough it caught hold of my mind. That voice was dark and said things like such a worthless brat, nobody loves you, your friends hate you only they act nice, your parents care about you the least because of who you are, etc. Even things as harsh as “if you died today, no one will even miss you, let alone cry for you”.
I started believing that I have depression because this was in my head 24/7, not that I had a choice. Or maybe, I did.
I tried to hide it from my parents and friends when it started getting real. This is probably my BIGGEST mistake!! This is what drowned me into the darkness.
After a short period of time, it all got out of hand and I started saying things like “why don’t you just get rid of me?” or, “Yeah better put me up for adoption” to my parents! And on hearing this, they got as scared as they were confused. They cried SO many times and told me how much they loved me but it was too late.
I was self-harming. I still do. To cope up with all depression. But no matter what I did or how positive I tried to be, nothing seemed to help!
One day (about 2 months ago), I sat down with my family and told them ALL about my feelings and cried till my body ached. And wow! For the FIRST time in so long, I felt a LITTLE FINE. Just a tiny bit, but it made all the difference! It was all I needed! And then it became more frequent.. talking to my family, crying it all out in front of them.
I have to accept that it was HELL DIFFICULT to open up and express myself without any filter. But trust me when I say this, living in depression and locking myself up from the world was FAR worse.
What lead me to open up in the first place was that I told myself, over and over, that THIS is what’s hurting me and my parents more. And that if I got better, they’d be the happiest! This was what motivated me and I’m so thankful to God that it did. I finally found light. At the end of the tunnel.
I’ve gotten a lot better recently, but there’s still a long way to go in order to never go back to that darkness and just forget it (hopefully completely).
In the end, I’d like to advise you, dear reader, you can only fight darkness with LIGHT! Find your light and even if it’s dim, just hold on to it. No matter what just DON’T GIVE UP and eventually you’ll get out of it.
Also, try to calm your mind down and meditate. And try not to make your problems bigger than they are! And remember, You’re STRONGER than your problems and YOU MATTER.
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